Category Archives: LOVE

Pause

If I could stop the world for you, I would.

Give you time to feel

time to breathe, time to heal.

 

But as they say, life goes on.

Time is scarce;

we move through it like passing cars.

 

Time is ruthless; time is harsh.

It waits for none;

the inevitable orbit around the sun.

 

But maybe we could play pretend.

We’ll create a black hole;

and we’ll stay in it until you feel whole.

 

Time won’t find us; no one will.

Let the world turn.

This peace you have; it is well-earned.

Advertisements

5 Coming Out Problems (and why they don’t really matter)

Today is National Coming Out Day! And what better way to celebrate it than to reminisce on all the ways we homosexual people have come out! While for some, coming out may be a glorious moment where they finally put their fear aside and decide to be honest with themselves and everybody else, it can also be agonizing and extremely unpleasant for others.

I’ve written my first post about homosexuality a few months ago here, but I don’t think I’ve made my point quite clear. Well, the whole point of that post was actually that coming out of the closet should be a choice. We should be free to decide whether we want to admit that we’re gay or not. Like they say, “Being a homosexual is not a choice, but coming out is,” but is it, really? What with the trouble that comes with it, it hardly seems like a choice. Once you’re out, you’re bombarded with prejudice, discrimination, bullying, and the like.

So for National Coming Out Day, I’ve decided to come up with a short list of “coming out problems”

1. Jargons and Euphemisms

jargonThe term “coming out” seems to have become common knowledge now, but I have talked to people who still don’t know what it means. It’s kind of frustrating when you tell someone “Okay, I’m coming out of the closet,” and they just look at you weirdly then you’d have to explain. Sometimes, we homosexuals (and bisexuals, but for simplicity’s sake, we’ll just use “homosexuals” from here on) also like to use euphemisms to make situations less awkward, like “I’m a vegetarian” or “I’m AC-DC.”

“You know, I’m queer,” “really? I think you’re pretty normal”

So yeah, jargons and euphemisms may make it a little less awkward, but it can be very very frustrating as well.

2. Stereotyping

Let me just clarify first that stereotyping is quite different from discrimination. Stereotyping is a very normal thing that everyone does because we have this code in our brains that tells us that this should be like that, so as to organize data. That said, there’s nothing really wrong about stereotyping, but it can be annoying sometimes. I’m sure most of our “straight-looking” homosexuals have been told, “you’re joking right? You don’t look the least bit gay,” many times.

I’ve once been told, “your hair is too pretty to be lesbian hair.” I’m sure she meant well when she said that, but that sounded more like an insult than a compliment. Which brings me to my next point,

3. The “sayang” or waste

I just had to stick Ricky Martin's sexy homosexual abs somewhere

I just had to stick Ricky Martin’s sexy homosexual abs somewhere

In the Philippines, when someone finds out that an attractive person is gay, you’d usually hear, “Sayang siya!” which roughly translates to “S/he’s such a waste!” So what, gay people can’t have attractive partners? If you’re a Darwinist (which I highly doubt you are) and your line of thinking is actually “S/he’s such a waste, s/he would’ve made beautiful babies,” then you’d still be objectifying the homosexual, and yes, it would still be insulting.

4. Timing

“This sausage is really good, honey, would you like some?” “No thanks, dad, I’m a lesbian.” “WHAT?!” “What?”

Boy, that escalated quickly! But to be honest, it’s really hard to find the perfect timing to come out, especially to someone you’ve known for quite some time. I’ve written about how accepting my mother was when I came out to her, but it’s a whole ‘nother story with my father. Let’s just say he’s not very fond of gays and that he’s said some things I’m not proud of. Don’t get me wrong, I love my father, and if given the chance, I would totally want him in my wedding walking me down the aisle. But right now, I just can’t find the right timing to come out to him. Truth is, I’m hoping ten years from now, he’d just figure it out when I’m living with my girlfriend and trying to adopt a baby… or a husky pup… or both… probably both… most definitely both.

5. Social Media

One of the supposed easier ways of coming out is through social media,fb gay where all of your family members are probably stalking you. You’d think it’d be so easy just posting “I’m gay” or simply changing your relationship status. Ha! Think again. “I’m gay” is probably the most over-used post by hackers. Nobody would really believe it. I don’t know about the other cultures, but here in the Philippines, young women like to “play house” and pretend they’re married to someone from the same sex when they’re really just best friends, taking it as far as posting it on Facebook. I have friends who call they’re best friends “wifey”, “my boo”, and other romantically endearing terms supposedly saved for the real thing.

Fact is, social media is just a page on a monitor where you can choose to put whatever you like with nobody stopping you. What you put there does not necessarily have to be true. So no, not even an instagram of you kissing your homosexual partner will prove that you’re really gay.

Most of these things on the list have already become instinctual reactions to us that we just brush them off. I know some gay people who even set these coming-out-traps themselves. It’s become “the norm” so why fight it? I’ll tell you why. It’s still demeaning. Even if you don’t mean it, it still comes out badly, and it still hurts sometimes. Plus, you’re contributing to the societal point of view that “gay is synonymous to the lesser” (thank you, Macklemore) with every demeaning thing you say. The “sayang” term? Yeah, it kind of sounds similar to when you say, “oh he became a drug addict and a convicted murderer? that’s such a waste.” The term faggot or “bading” in the Philippines is used in disgust, used to belittle people.

Not very encouraging, yeah? Well, like I said before, coming out is not really easy. The problems I’ve posted here are just the trivial ones. Homosexuals go through way worse things than these. But in my opinion, none of those hardships would matter as much as not being able to love freely. Everybody tells you how hard it is, but no one ever mentions how beautifully easy it becomes afterwards, when you’ve got your partner’s hand entwined in yours.

CHOOSE LOVE

CHOOSE LOVE

A Peek in the Closet

gay-men-in-the-closetOn this day exactly a year ago, someone showed me what life was like in the closet. Now for those of you who aren’t familiar with the term (don’t worry, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. idioms can be a pain sometimes), being “in the closet” means publicly denying that you’re a homosexual. And for those of you who don’t know, well, I am, myself, a homosexual. No, I have not been in the closet for more or less three years now, and yes, I am quite sure it is not just a phase.

I’ve never actually written about homosexuality, because I feel like it’s too open-ended; too many opinions, too much complication. And even now, when I finish this post and share it on Facebook, I will be hiding this from a group aptly named “The Closet” consisting mainly of my extended family and some adults that I totally respect but whom I know would look at it with disdain and distaste without even knowing it.

Image

this is what they’re gonna look like

There, now we got that out of the way, let’s get back on track. As I was saying, a year ago, I had the pleasure of having a heartfelt dinner conversation regarding this matter. Well, I wouldn’t say it was all pleasure. After all, my companion had been crying to me, pouring out feelings I have long since forgotten. Back then, I was trying to be the strong one, staying calm and reaching out, letting her know that life isn’t so difficult. Now, I’m not so sure.

so funny it's right!

yeah, because those things will REALLY happen! *sarcasm*

You see, I’m blessed. I was raised in a (nuclear) family where every rational opinion was recognized and every voice was heard. When I came out to my mother three years ago, tears streaming down my face, she just smiled and said, “okay”. I was a bit taken aback by her casualness. I asked her, “so it’s alright for me to just tell people I’m gay?” and she said, “yeah.” Well, I guess she wasn’t surprised, raising me as the tomboy that I am. I’ve also been blessed to have entered a university that valued open-mindedness and acceptance, where support came easily from my friends.

That said, I found it a bit hard to imagine what she must have been going through. I thought, maybe she was just exaggerating. Maybe her friends and family wouldn’t really look down on her as much as she thought. Maybe she wouldn’t have to keep hoping her feelings would change and one day, she would wake up a heterosexual. Admittedly, back then, I felt myself blaming her for staying in the closet. I just didn’t understand how she could keep pretending to be someone she’s not.

Well, did we? DID WE?

It’s a sad life, having to keep things from your friends and family; having to introduce your girlfriend as your friend; having to make sure nobody who knows you is around before sharing an intimate gesture; having to lie about schoolwork just so you could keep going out on dates; hearing your own parents speak about what you’re going through as if it was some kind of lethal disease; and the worst part is, wondering if there’s a future for you somehow.

Quite a number of people have shared their stories with me regarding their sexuality (I guess it comes with finding out that I’m a lesbian), but for all of those people, I’ve never heard anyone say with certainty that they’re going to have a bright and beautiful homosexual relationship in the future. And when I ask why, they can’t even answer without falling back to society.

A word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it. Gay is synonymous with the lesser -Same Love, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Quick plug: listen to that song, Same Love, and REALLY listen to it. I still get tears in my eyes even though I’ve seen the music video countless times. Point is, Macklemore was right when he said that in our society, people still look down on homosexuals. Even if we claim that we’re a more accepting people than before, we still make faggot jokes (or in our case in the Philippines, bading jokes) that are degrading. Remember Charice Pempengco? How many trash talks did she get when she came out? How long did that issue last? It’s sad really.

Even the simpler things, like having to point out that you’re gay, can be difficult. You’d have to endure the interrogation that follows right after, especially the “are you sure?” part. I watched a video once where the interviewer asked random people 2 questions: 1) do you think that being gay is a decision? 2) so when did you decide that you were straight? Also, gay is often related to promiscuity. I don’t get it though. Heterosexuals can be as promiscuous as homosexuals, even more. Why can’t a homosexual relationship consist of more than lust and lewdness?

equality-funny-gay-pride-straight-Favim.com-362916

tables turned, how do you like hearing those?

With all those in mind, I finally understand now why this person decided to stay in the closet. I see it as a sort of paradoxical conflict. It’s easy to stay in because you wouldn’t have to continuously fight for your feelings and beliefs. You’d just have to conform to the norm. But then again, it’s also difficult, because you’d have to hide your feelings. You’d have to put on a mask, one that isn’t easy to bear. And if you end up marrying someone from the opposite sex simply out of respect for the norm, well, we all know how badly that could go. I guess it’s all just a matter of how strongly you feel about it, how much you want to fight for it. Because believe me, neither path is easy. In or out, it’s going to be a difficult life. The only difference is, it’s a much freer, brighter, and more beautiful world outside!

But yes, I get it now. Some people feel safer in the closet. Well, good luck with that! Hope you find your spells and incantations-oh wait, that was a cupboard- or your vast land of snow-oh wait, that was a wardrobe- bah! There really isn’t anything wonderful in the closet, dears, just a lot of mothballs and dust.